So I’m not sure if this is age related or not. I’m a 21 year old male, maybe you could share your age as well.
So basically for a long time (probably my whole life) I had this deep longing/fantasy to live at a different place than the one I’m living right now. As if I don’t belong where I’m from and need to be somewhere else to truly feel home. I’m from northern Germany and always had the deep desire of traveling places.
When me and my family went on vacation when I was a kid for example when we flew to Egypt it felt like a wonderful dream as if I was in heaven or something. I just love when I’m in totally different environments like coming from the cold Germany into a tropically warm climate, in a country that is very different, with very different culture and mentality in this beautiful and gigantic hotel resort.
Idk how to describe it but it’s like my core desire got fulfilled.
I never felt home here in Germany and my deep desire always was to live somewhere else where there is a very different culture and environment.
A significant amount of time I always wanted to go to America. I’ve never been there so far unfortunately.
But I always had this feeling that I didn’t felt right where I’m from and was always searching for this place where I can feel home, where it’s wholesome and I feel freed from all worries, where I have deep/meaningful connections and can fully live in joy and embrace every little moment of life in this deeply joyful way like living like a child again.
I assume a lot of this is probably just some psychological phenomenon that is inducing a fake/unreal fantasy. I assume even if I could move to some other country I might not feel as joyful like when I was a kid and even if I do, at some point it might not feel special anymore and it might not be like I hoped.
So maybe this is just this classic “the grass seems always greener on the other side” thing and in reality it might not be like that.
But I wonder does any of you also have this deep inner fantasy of living in a different place/culture where it kinda feels magical to live and you have ultimate happiness? It might be something unrealistic or a place that doesn’t exist but it’s like a deep feeling in me and I wonder if others also have it. Maybe it goes deeper and it is this “leftover” from childhood that I remember and that I’m longing for? Maybe it’s a fantasy of being a kid again?
38/M/US
Home is a very complicated question that’s going to mean a lot of different things to people emotionally, so I try not to get too prescriptive about my own definition. I moved away from my rural upbringing as soon as I could and I never really looked back. It was not a place I enjoyed or felt like I belonged either. I kind of lost my sense of home and I can’t say it’s something I really look for anymore. It feels too permanent for me. To me, home is a treasure that must be hard fought, then protected, and can therefore always be lost. I don’t think I want a home anymore.
What I want is a sense of belonging. That seems a lot easier to manage because it’s built out of the values and interests I’ve made for myself. I bring it with me wherever I go. I’m free to change it or grow as I like. I try to match it to the people and places around me to see if I like them and if it works for me and if I’m happy. I moved from the rural town I grew up in to a larger city in my state. Then I moved several thousands of miles across the country and spent most of my 20’s and 30’s here. During that time I’ve moved to several small towns and suburbs around the larger city. I’m thinking of moving again, this time outside the country. I’m still excited by the prospect, and afraid.
I assume a lot of this is probably just some psychological phenomenon that is inducing a fake/unreal fantasy. I assume even if I could move to some other country I might not feel as joyful like when I was a kid and even if I do, at some point it might not feel special anymore and it might not be like I hoped.
So maybe this is just this classic “the grass seems always greener on the other side” thing and in reality it might not be like that.
I do think these things are at least partly true and it’s perceptive of you to point that out, but it shouldn’t discourage you either. It’s a very human thing to want to try. Just set your expectations, I don’t know that you’ll simply find a new home. You’re going to have to bring some of it with you, you’re going to have to make some of it on your own, and you’re going to have to ask for help along the way.
Bro I typed a whole comment and then something messed up and didnt send.
to long won’t write again: I have felt similar, but as a way to avoid crippling debt in the US (tho I am not in a bad spot yet).
Same.
There’s a song by the Armenian band Ladaniva that’s just a few lines about a mountain home with a table that sits under a fig tree for the season. It’s relatively vague imagery with beautiful haunting vocals. Makes me ugly weep every time. No idea why. It’s the only song that has ever affected me like that. But there’s something about the idea of just a homey, simple life and how gar away that is that makes it seem all the more important.
Yes, after moving a few times during my early childhood, my family settled down in an amazing place that offered something for everyone - and I couldn’t wait to get out. There was nothing wrong, but I could never shake the strong sense that I belonged somewhere else. Nobody else in my family ever felt this way.
As soon as I was able to leave on my own, I began traveling to and living in other places in North America. Many of those places were great experiences, but none resonated. I eventually forgot about my need to find the right place, raised a family, and just went on small vacations.
When my children grew up and left, my husband’s job took us to other parts of the United States. I rolled with it until his job moved us in 2020 to a place I didn’t know existed. I was in my 50’s, and it was the first time I ever felt completely at home, where I had belonged my entire life, and I was thoroughly at peace. It was unexpected.
This sensation reminded me of that yearning feeling I’d had since I was a small child; the search I had forgotten. I hadn’t been imagining it!
My entire family still lives in the same area where I grew up. They’re happy and they don’t understand why I couldn’t stay there. Maybe some people are more attuned to regions? I can’t explain it, but I understand your feelings. Trust yourself. I think someday you’ll stumble on the place where you belong.
