As a kid, I learned to “pause” my true self. School was the pause, and my hobbies, dreams, and passions were the unpause—something I’d rush back to during lunch or after class.
Over time, the pauses got longer. Tiredness and responsibilities crept in, leaving little energy to unpause at the end of some days.
At work, sometimes the pressure and the demands were so relentless that I couldn’t unpause for weeks or months at a time.
Then came marriage, fatherhood, and the joy—and work—of raising a child.
I want my son to get to know the real me but I worry that by the time he is grown I won’t have any “self” to unpause to.
Yes
In ~800 days I have vowed to quit my job to hike a few long trails, maybe the triple crown if I feel like it. This MIGHT ruin any relationship I get into before then. It would be impossible with children, or if I force myself to focus on making money and retiring early. But the first death is in the heart and I will die if I give up this dream