I’ve taught my cat to come over when I snap my fingers. It started by just trying to get its attention…

Edit: typo.

Marriage.

Two extra inches. Either height or… Y’know. Ideally both.

We can’t understand how millions can vote for a senile, convicted sexual predator as president…

Porn, obviously. Internet is for porn.

You have to understand I have very high standards, it’s a childhood thing… I am not a happy person…

Not bad, way better than I expected.

Give me the oven.