Assuming that this would cover all past legal names as well (as I have had a grand total of four, different first and last names): still not a lot.

I have changed a lot since I first started posting things on the web, and I am embarrassed about some of the older stuff that I said before I learned more about certain subjects. But (as far as I can remember), the worst comments I ever made were ones in defence of outlawing abortion, and even those I never posted hate in.

So, given that those few comments are vastly outnumbered by my more recent comments explaining why my previous stance was nonsensical, I would probably have to be more afraid of someone threatening me for being a trans person who advocates for bodily autonomy as a basic and inalienable human right.

I am short with a somewhat femme figure, sparse but obvious facial hair, a flat chest, and a voice that sounds somewhere between a very gay man, a 13 year old boy, and an older woman. I am very visibly crossing many lines that people look for when trying to figure out how to address someone. Meaning, in a time when attacks on trans people and our rights are very quickly ramping up, I am in more danger of harassment and assault than I have been in the last few years.

As far as who is looking out for me: I am, that is part of my goal, but I also have a husband and a few friends who I can ask for help. However, I am in a slightly better position in life than most trans people in this country, since I live in a blue state that is (probably) unlikely to strip me of my rights. Hence my focus on helping others. There will probably be a lot of people coming here for medical treatment, and I want to make sure I help in any way I can.

As a visibly trans person: survive, and help as many other people survive as I can.

Having two dinners this year. My mother in law came over on Christmas Day, we had a Field Roast, garlic smashed potatoes, mushroom gravy, brandied cranberry sauce, and boozy nog, with plenty of cookies for dessert. It was a nice time, though a bit bittersweet as this is the first Christmas since my father in law passed.

This Sunday we are having friends over for another dinner, and I am making veggie pot pie, fondant potatoes, green beans in garlic butter, the rest of the cranberries, and ricotta cheesecake for dessert. It won’t be a huge crowd, just doing dinner and some board games, so looking forward to that.

If you are like me and looking for nice holiday lights that won’t hurt your eyes, check out Technology Connections on YouTube who has tested all the brands and found two that include soft blue lights! I am investing in them soon because I miss having colored lights.

Chalky foods (merengues, smartie candies, antacids, etc). I also hate the sound of chalk being used. It makes my teeth hurt.

Blue LEDs that aren’t properly balanced (they give me migraines)

Electricity whining (I can hear this almost anywhere inside)

Dense fleeces (they make me itchy regardless of material)

Turtlenecks (I feel like I am choking)

Thankfully it won’t, but I had to deal with more of their shenanigans.

Did you know that they refuse to transfer a prescription if they haven’t filled it at least once? I had to call the urgent care clinic back and have them transfer it instead.

Bless the retail pharmacy worker who walked me through how to get everything in order and got me discount coupons. It took them 30 minutes to fill and cost me a total of $15. So I will be okay, but in spite of Express Scripts, who gave me an ETA of the 17th, more than a week after the script was ordered.

I am sitting here, in incredible pain from a combined sinus and ear infection, waiting for the antibiotics I need to be shipped to me in 3-5 business days because my insurance will only provide prescription coverage through Express Scripts and not a retail pharmacy.

This same insurance company has also denied to cover a surgery they have prior auth for, denied coverage for routine lab work that is expressly covered, waited months to review disputed charges and gotten them sent to collections, and forced me into a lower tier of coverage twice due to premium increases.

The kicker? I work in the health insurance industry. But I’m not an exec, just a support worker.

They can try to stop the online support all they want, but they should know that the active censorship will only cause people to go elsewhere. This issue is uniting everyone who watches the evening news, and they can’t risk not covering the story because they are hoping to make an example of him.

Anything that was a major thing in your life, good or bad, can be missed in some way once it is gone. The trick is to remember that quite a bit of that feeling is missing the predictably of daily life, not necessarily missing the thing itself.

I was also kicked out, though it was during my college years, and there are still times I find myself missing my parents, even almost 10 years later. The feeling isn’t as strong, and it is mostly just me lamenting the fact that I will not have a lot of experiences most people consider universal, such as having family to visit for holidays, or having someone to talk to no matter what you have going on in your life.

It is a bit like grief. The parents you thought you had are gone, even if they are physically living, and you had no choice in the matter. The feeling will come and go, it will change over time. But it will get easier.