I already knew I was autistic I got diagnosed like 10 years ago as an adult, but I had never taken the test in question (Cat-Q) and I guess I kinda figured my autism was “light” or something. I think the test’s questions were very effective at breaking through high masking so that’s why I scored so heavily autistic and it kind of struck me so hard it made me cry. Masking is exhausting and at this point I can’t really “stop” its so ingrained.

For me I don’t think there is anything intrinsically wrong with me but I think some aspects of it fueled some really stifling early life decisions that kept me from growing (before I learned I was autistic) and now I feel like I’m permanently “behind” socially/developmentally. Part of that also I think might have been how subtly conservative and judgemental a lot of culture I absorbed was as a kid that I ended up assuming everyone thought I was a dorky loser so I avoided people I thought were “cool” to a degree. I still feel like I can’t relate to people my own age and that’s been the case since I was like 8 and its still the case in my 30’s. It makes me sad about what I’ve missed out on and makes me worry about my future.

EDIT: I just retook it, I scored a 149, for context average male non-autistic scores are 96.89, for autistic men the average is 109.64.

I took one of those autism tests and I can’t remember off the top of my head what the score was but it was very high which both surprises and doesn’t surprise me. I mask extremely well according to most people I meet. Telling me “You seem normal” or even “You aren’t autistic”.

I’ve only had two people tell me “It’s obvious” ever, my mom and a single friend of mine.

But holy hell all the other autism personality/psychological aspects are like cranked up to 100 and I have a love/hate relationship with that. Hyperfocus is a double edged sword for instance. I love that I can get super into something and get really fucking good at it but I don’t love obsessing over the same thing for months to the point of it keeping me awake at night and hurting other aspects of my life because I can’t change mental direction.

It also isn’t good for social anxiety, way too much rumination on single awkward conversations MAKE IT STOP.

Motherfucker you started by asking me why I thought I was so smart and you can’t even muster the concentration to read my response. Unbelievable.

Yikes. Relax, brother.

Relaxing seems more or less impossible given the state of the world and in particular the state of the country I live in.

I have no angle. I simply inquired into your assessment of our situation.

You asked me a question that was clearly implying an attack on my character. If that wasn’t your intention I think you phrased your post egregiously poorly.

The reason I ask is because I see quite a number of people saying that it’s “everyone else’s fault for being immoral and stupid”, and I believe we should be looking more inward, or at least assigning fault to the ones who are responsible (the “powers that be if you will) instead of pointing the finger at our fellow brothers and sisters.

Inward: I know I have absolutely no desire to participate in a civil war, or experience fascism and the death of democracy in the US. I worked hard to try and help bring about an election result that would prevent dooming the earth.

Powers that be: You mean conservative/centrist democrats? My hatred for them is very intense. But they aren’t people who choose to, through inaction, allow fascism to win. They just legitimately and unironically thought centrism and status quo politics would win them the election. They’re greedy, arrogant, and retarded but they thought they were going to stop fascism with more status quo liberalism.

There are a few staunch centrists that have even admitted that they should have moved leftward. Even that fucking piece of shit James Carville admitted to that. To bad its too late. Stupid fucking losers.

The non-voters demonstrated actual apathy towards the possibility of fascism winning. I don’t know that I can really forgive them, my disgust for “I don’t care who fascism hurts” is too intense to worry about how smug and also dumb liberals are.

Now, would the democrats have tried left populism if they saw it was their only way to win? Probably. It certainly seemed like Harris early in her campaign was moving in that direction before the democratic consultants showed up and they started wasting their time courting moderate republicans and pushing a weak watered down message.

But, this is just my opinion. And you are entitled to yours.

We are also entitled to critique opinions. Letting opinions be spouted without challenge has consequences. Though I’ll concede I don’t know how much it matters anymore to me considering how doomer I am now.

If you want to discuss further, there is no need for the ad hominem attacks 🙂.

I wasn’t doing ad hominem, I was impugning your intentions and suggesting you were bad faith.

What’s your angle? Insecurity or propaganda? Trying to guilt trip me for having a negative evaluation of the average person?

Maybe you aren’t part of the majority of people I think of as moronic, I don’t know you in particular, but the question you are asking sounds like maybe you are worried that you would be. TBH, you probably aren’t significantly worse than average by the mere metric of being able to read and write, depressing knowing how many functionally illiterate people there are.

Of course, go ahead and think I’m actually the stupid one if it makes you feel better, I literally don’t care about that. I care about becoming smarter and more correct perhaps, not what you think of my intellect now.

Because most people are either stupid, evil, or stupid and evil.

I don’t know what the solution is, I can only hope its mostly just the “extreme ignorance” type of stupidity and not evil or “willing ignorance” stupidity and after experiencing the suffering they’ve enabled for themselves that they put 2 and 2 together and things maybe recover partially or enough to prevent the end of human civilization as we know it.

Reading these comments I feel a sense of dread. You are all experiencing survivor bias. Initially when I ran into barriers I gave up for like a year before bothering to try Lemmy again.

If you don’t want Lemmy to serve as an actual counter to corporate controlled social media if it means letting in “normies” then you are content with corporate controlled social media continuing to dominate our lives. Which sounds about right for humanity. The smugness is vile.

Just bring on the vacuum decay event already.

This is why you run stuff locally or not at all.