the sole reason I stay in this cold dreary backwater of a country.

You do know you can get crumpets in any supermarket in sunny Queensland, yeah? You can even get Marmite (but why would you when Vegemite is superior).

I’ve only spent a couple months in France, but I agree from my experience. I think that foreigners that complain about the French being rude were just expecting special treatment, didn’t put in any effort themselves to be friendly, then shocked that the storekeeper/waiter wasn’t kissing their ass, even though they didn’t even manage to say ‘bonjour’.