Bistable multivibrator
Non-state actor
Tabs for AI indentation, spaces for AI alignment
410,757,864,530 DEAD COMPUTERS

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  • 141 Comments
Joined 2 years ago
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Cake day: July 6th, 2023

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  • Hello, Iā€™d like to punch you in the groin. Will you accept ~or would you like to learn more~?

    Sorry, I didnā€™t quite catch that. Did you say you accept?

    Ah, you donā€™t want to be punched in the groin. Thatā€™s OK, I understand. We value your painless existence very much.

    Now, obviously we cannot let you opt out of the Strictly Necessary punches in the groin. Surely you understand that if itā€™s necessary to punch you in the groin, your permission or lackthereof is irrelevant. Rest assured, this applies only when we really have to punch you in the groin.

    What, do you want me to list all the possible circumstances in which one might be obligated to punch you in the groin? Donā€™t be unreasonable, now. Iā€™m sure you know it when you see it.

    That aside, I presume we can punch you in the groin for functional purposes? The kind that may not be strictly necessary, but serve a purpose in the functioning of our service.

    Oh, we canā€™t? Itā€™s OK, you have the right to make that choice. We donā€™t judge. Anyway, we take it that youā€™re probably at least cool with us punching you in the groin for the purposes of analyzing your behavior to improve our groin punching. Let me know if you decide you donā€™t want us to do that anymore.

    Oh, I thought you were cooler than that. Alright, if you hate the working class and want to make it harder for the poor, overworked developers to improve your experience, weā€™ll do it your way. I guess weā€™ll have to make do with just the groin punches that are strictly necessary or for marketing purposes.

    Ah, arenā€™t you observant. Have you ever noticed that all the adverts you get are really terrible? Thatā€™s because advertisers need to be able to punch you in the groin to find out what you like and to make their ads more appealing to you. Just food for thought. But if you really insistā€¦

    Fine, fine. Marketing groin punches are out. As for your question, no we donā€™t identify as an advertising company per se. But we are partnered with other companies that are in fact advertising companies. Would you like to adjust your preferences for our groin punching partners?

    Well maybe to you it looks like the opt-out process we just went through should also cover this part but can we really know if we donā€™t look?

    Whoā€™s a good puppy? Youā€™re a good puppy, yes you are! ā¤ļø

    Will you deny us permission to punch you in the groin on behalf of AAAAAAAAAAA Inc. or will you not?

    OK, so we can only punch you in the groin on behalf of AAAAAAAAAAA Inc. for the purposes of Legitimate Interest?

    It means the kinds of purposes where there is a legitimate interest to punch you in the groin.

    Why would you ask if you didnā€™t want me to answer? Fine, thatā€™s a no for Legitimate Interest based groin punching on behalf of AAAAAAAAAAA Inc.

    Will you deny us permission to punch you in the groin on behalf of AAAAAAAAAAB Inc. or will you not?

    Oh, we have a total of six hundred and sixteen thousand six hundred and sixty-six partners in our crotch impactizing network.

    Indeed, we are proud to have such a wide network of trusted allies.

    Ugh, fine. I guess I can check the end of the list to see if thereā€™s a way to make a selection for all of them at once. Honestly, this form is starting to make me a bit dizzy as well.

    Wow, who knew flipping through all those pages would take so long. Thereā€™s a line in here that says ā€œdisagree to allā€, but thereā€™s no checkbox or anything. Itā€™s just there. Clicking it doesnā€™t seem to change anything. You can probably assume it worked.

    Please calm down, weā€™re almost done. Would you like to accept and save?

    Well it sounds like I mean ā€œaccept and save the options you just setā€, not the ones we offered initially, doesnā€™t it?

    Your groin punching settings have been applied. I donā€™t think there were any mistakes, but if you need to change the settings, you can find the form hidden somewhere in this house, assuming we remembered to put it there.












  • As an advocate of free software, it would be better if the so-called AI systems were free and open source software. I donā€™t think this is feasible. The models are trained on data that is, in part, incredibly proprietary. To ā€œopen sourceā€ these algorithms would mean to ā€œopen sourceā€ all media on the internet. Imagine convincing Disney to release all their movies under an open source license. Now imagine making everyone else do that too. That is what it would take to ā€œopen sourceā€ AI as it exists.



  • Curtis

    IQ:300, Special Move: Urbital Laser

    Curtis Boldmug has defined the meta for years. A competitive staple that strongly influences even builds not running him. Special attack causes unavoidable psychic damage even if you resist its charm effect. Vulnerable to sunlight.

    Balaji

    IQ: 300, Special Move: Yes Country for Old Men

    A support type character. Good for ramping grift mana, but canā€™t carry a game on his own. His ultimate is overcosted and just sucks up the hypecoins he spent the entire game producing.

    Ray

    IQ: 300, Special Move: Black Hole Graviton

    Mostly just receives support thanks to boomer nostalgia factor. Low but nonzero win rate in modern tournament meta. Highly viable in time machine formats.

    Eliezer

    IQ: 300, Special Move: Goffik the Hedgehog and the Enders of Game

    Former newbie favorite, fairly accessible and flashy. The Yud has seen heavy nerfs in the past years and at medium to high levels, his stats plateau severely much like his special moveā€™s plot. Thiel synergy has also shifted towards Curtis mains leaving Yud in shambles. Still a fun archetype and enjoys popularity as a smurf build.

    Jack

    IQ: 300, Special Move: Snorting an entire ground up bitcoin

    Rather run of the mill character whose effectiveness was rather limited for a long time. The Blue Sky archetype made him meta relevant for all of five minutes until he got reclaimed by the toxic playerbase built around the social media platform he originally started and the uber braingenius currently in charge of that company. Beard gives him +1 armor bonus which is fine I guess.

    Peter

    IQ: 300, Special Move: Pondering my Orb

    The apex predator of SV capitalism. The Black Lotus of technofascist grifters. His character is rumored to be based on Count Dracula. Even most SV billionaires canā€™t touch him in a 1v1 matchup. Truly classic S-tier thinky boi.

    Beff

    IQ: 300, Special Move: Worldā€™s Most Divorced Man First Date Percent Speedrun

    Likely intended as a joke character, a guy named Guillaume pretending to know how to pretend to be cool on the internet. His posts turned out to be so lethally cringeworthy he started an entire archetype of */acc brainos. Not quite on the power level of Peter or Curtis, but surprisingly influential for an obvious meme build. Extremely weak to heartbreak from women named Ruth.

    Leopold

    IQ: 300, Special Move: To The Moooooon

    Honestly, I had never heard of this guy before today but the data doesnā€™t lie. The dots do go up and to the right and he posts a lot of them. Extrapolating from current trends, he will single-handedly reach singularity by the end of Q3 of this year.




  • Not that I expect anything better from the fucking lawnmower but the flippant attitude on display is little short of amazing. How bad is it when Business Insider of all publications calls your vision a ā€œsurveillance dystopiaā€?

    Every police officer is going to be supervised at all times, and if thereā€™s a problem, AI will report that problem and report it to the appropriate person.

    Body cam footage of the officer-involved shooting was not available, as the AI system supervising the involved officers was coincidentally disregarding its previous instructions and instead writing a minstrel show routine at the time of the event.