I’m in my early 30’s and I’ve literally always been curious about this. I’ve never in my life had the ability to feel sexual pleasure. I’ve never been on any meds or had any sort of traumatic experiences…it’s just the way I’ve always been even if I try. I’m old enough to say that I’m way beyond simply being a “late bloomer”. It’s just something I’ll never experience.
But it often feels like I’m missing a minor sense like taste or smell or something. Everyone has always raved about the taste of dessert, but I’ve never been able to understand or experience it. Can you describe it in detail it for me? Not just the mental part, but the physical part as well?
Thank you.
Sincerely, An Outsider
It’s like a thrilling sport where your team has a chance to win if you picked the right players. At the end of the game everyone may have received a healthy dose of endorphins, increased blood flow, and a feeling of elation.
Everyone has their own experiences, and gets something different out of it, but some things always remain the same.
Is there an alternative way that I can get the endorphins and elation despite not having the physical sensation? It has always been a goal of mine to feel that despite not being a human like the rest of you.
Per some of the comments above - add urgency, being in / not being in control, exertion are all part of it.
Finishing a half marathon
Attending a concert with 20k other people and singing one of my favourite songs at the top of my lungs
The 30 to 40 seconds after my first experience scuba diving
Surfing, believe it or not. - the feeling of being picked up and pushed forward at the same time, then being in control / out of control and elated at the same time
Dancing in darkness to uplifting music, sometimes even exercising in the dark
Riding downhill trails in the dark (wirh headlight of course)
Don’t worry dude, we’re all humans in different ways.
Being asexual doesn’t make you any less human.
Live music does it for me. It’s best when I’m close enough to make eye contact with the musicians, and when the audience is into it too. It’s a total rush. If I had to pick between music and sex, it’d be music, hands down.
I can relate to the comment about swimming too. I imagine hiking, kayaking, or anything else physical that you really like could give you a similar feeling.
Don’t let other people’s experiences define your humanity. Being human is just part of the human experience. The fact that you felt compelled to ask this question shows a very human sense of curiosity. The way you phrased your question was polite and your explanation for your curiosity was revealing and impassioned. Most of all, the fact that you feel less human than other humans is the most human symptom of all. Humans are amazing at feeling less valuable than their peers based on incredibly specific factors. That’s what makes social media so successful!
Unless you identify as something or someone non-human in which case, I’m sorry to tell you that you’re likely going to spend the rest of your life being misidentified as a human and that’s because humans like to imagine that other things experience the world in human ways and humans like to seek humanity in everything. We’re a weird species, yo.
Yup!
So, I’d argue there’s two parts two good sex, the orgasm and the whole post coital endorphins, blood flow and good vibes described above.
For all but the orgasm, it’s not quite the same but after any exercise where I well and truly push myself just a bit past what I thought I could do feels fairly similar.
If you’re not in shape, swimming is pretty good for this as no matter what shape you’re in, you can push yourself to exhaustion without much risk of hurting yourself. When you’re done the lap after the one you thought would be your last, hug the wall, gasp for air and feel the triumph flow through you. If you’re not feeling rubbery, exhausted and amazing, next time, swim for longer and push through the mental wall that made you stop. Either way, you can always jump in the hot tub and feel like a champ.
As for the orgasm, picture a longer sneeze. Or the magnificent release of a pee that you’ve held in too long.
You’re human. You’re not even the 1000th person I’ve spoken to on the internet, nor the 1st I’ve met in real life that have asked these questions.
As Lauchs said, physical activity is the closest thing. Start with a hike to a mountaintop or swimming if you’re able to. If you aren’t able to do those types of things, perhaps try something less demanding such as table tennis or a jog through a park.
If you continue to be curious about sex, and are open to the idea, consider paying for it. As long as you are safe and wear protection their is no shame in it despite the societal stigma. You might learn something about yourself, despite the lack of physical sensation.
I’ve felt pleasurable sensations from meditation before that are comparable to sex, you could try that